FREAKING OUT.

So - the video shoot CONTINUES on Saturday. But there's a catch. There were too many grips last weekend. I've been emailing the dude about it - and I was asking if the shoot was this weekend. He said yes - but he needed to eliminate some of the grips, then asked if I could make it this weekend. I said yes. He said he'd let me know tomorrow.

o_O

I'm actually near breathing-in-a-bag status. Why? Because I had a weird day.
Didn't need this sort of thing on my mind.

What if...I don't make the cut? This is basically a competition now. If I don't make it...I get to go home. BUT I WANNA MAKE IT REALLY BAD. OMG. If I don't make it, that basically means that my other movie-grip-deals I had been making will fall through, my beautiful love interest will get away without an exchange of phone numbers or spit, and I will probably break something in annoyance.

...and I just totally sounded like a whore just now xD

>.>
FORTUNE COOKIE TOLD ME TO.
"Be aggressive - go after the tattooed Virgo."
XDDDDDD

ANYWAY - I will not be a happy camper if I don't make it.
What if I wasn't good enough?
What if - even though I had fun - they all hated me. They're all just really good liars. What if I'm not meant for the movie industry?

Ordinarily I wouldn't be ranty like this...but for some reason today I just feel completely insecure and worthless. What I need is a hug from a cute boy.

>.>

Oh - and on a side note, I love my nose-stud. It actually gives me more confidence. I honestly fail in the ways of my own self esteem, and this is actually helping. I still think of myself as that fat kid with braces and acne from middle school. I know I'm not, but inside I am.

I really need to get over that.
Maybe that's why I'm the girl here that seems to know the least about boys and relationships. My longest one [and really only true one] lasted 2 months. The other one barely counted. I just need to figure things out I guess.

My fate rests in an email.
o_o