Well that was a day killer

Hubbyboy emailed me back. Very him. Played off the inside jokes I hinted at in my email. Lots of voice in his words. :) BUT. BUT BUT BUT. The last line killed me.
I'm glad I got your number though, because now I can call you to help out when I shoot something. My number is ########### if you ever need help with any shoots your doing.

Shoots? Film? Not...hanging out? Like - I said [right before my number] "If you want to hang or whaterrr here's mai digits"

And his reply was like -suddenly professional-

NO.
NONONONONONO.
NO.
>=O

So...this guy that I basically fell for quite quickly and very very hard - and I thought he did the same over me...basically just said "yay professional friends".
:(
I'm not gonna lie. It hurts. Made me question my appearance, my personality, my everything.

I'm relatively good at reading guys...now I feel like I don't know anything. I am so confused. I am hurt. And I am kinda grumpy and sad now. I have the epic desire to just say "Fuck you week" and go home somehow. I know I should just grow up - or be happy that he wants to stay in contact, I guess. My friend was like "email him back all chill too. Pretend like he didn't just blow off your metaphorical balls and be like 'yo cool dude 8D' ish-ness.

But...I don't know.

I hate how I seem to set myself up for shit like this. I keep forgetting that my family has no luck at all. Amazingly hot guy that you get along with perfectly and you have instant Chemistry and spark? No - he's not into you at all. Wants to be professional friends. Meaning he wouldn't want to see me outside of the fucking video world.

Yes, there are "other guys". But like...WHAT THE FUCK. My brain is annoyed by the mixed messages. Grab my hand to see if I was gonna bleed to death from the tiny cut I got from my knife - but not want to just chill?

Boys are stupid.
I made it clear I was into him in the email.
And he was like VIDEO SHOOT HELP.

o_o

Literally every time something good can happen in the personal realm for me, it normally shatters. First boyfriend - that was a rip in the space-time-continuum. But I was never that happy. Why? No one seemed to approve of the relationship. I felt like I was being glared at and even judged by everyone. He'd come up to me from behind, and my friends would walk away. True, he was a bit of an a-hole...but I just wanted to enjoy it. But I couldn't.
Second boyfriend.
If you can call him that.
One moment he's like "I missed you <3" whenever we talked. The next he's like trying to pick fights and shit. And that ended. Never really was a relationship because he kept canceling our FIRST DATE.

God.

And in that tiny paragraph was my ENTIRE love life. That's it. Sure there were some guys that were into me that I ran away from. But like...those are the two major ones. I just...I see happy people everywhere in relationships. And I just wonder...how do they do that? People go on for YEARS, and I can't even find someone to love me for over two months. Or someone to love me at all.

I don't get it. I really don't. Do I just repel the people I'm interested in somehow? Do I attract all the scum of the Universe into my pants somehow - leaving me running and screaming into the horizon as they stalk me??? I guess I should lower my standards...? Maybe not find the perfect guy, but anyone who's not repulsive and I can stand being around somewhat?

The only people who want me are assholes, creepers, stalkers, and younger than me. Now that I found a cute, sweet, OLDER, non-creeper...he's like LOLNVM.

I'm so confused.

I tried to turn it the other way around - maybe MY email was too shifty for him to read...but I forwarded both halves to my friend...who read it with her roomie. The consensus was stated way, way above.
Professional friendship.

o_o