Hair.

Alright - I have a dilemma. I've had my hair short, long, and medium. I've had short bangs, long bangs, and no bangs. Now comes the time where I decide where I want to go next with my hair. I'm thinking of getting it cut on Monday...but I'm not sure.

I COULD...get bangs cut [which I'm strongly thinking of] because it helps with my amazing "adorable" factor ;)
I COULD get my hair cut a little shorter, and have the layers refreshed.
I COULD tell them not to cut the mass of my hair, but just style some bangs.
I COULD let my bangs grow and have them spruce up the bottom and redo the layers.
I COULD get my hair a lot shorter with tons of layers with maybe bangs.

BUT I DON'T KNOW.
And btw I'm totally writing this because I have like five minutes to kill before an appointment xD

Anywhoo...IDK.
Long hair got to be a pain - though I'm looking at old picture and heck - I don't look half bad. I had bangs recently - and people seemed to like them...though if they get too long then it's like BAH I CAN'T SEE. *hair pin attack* I kinda like having short hair, tbh. Sooo much easier to take care of...
Hmm...
You tell me.

Short hair pics:
One
Two

Long hair pics:
One
Two

Soo...idk.
Help?

t-minus 11 days...

So...I start college in 11 days. Well, thanks to a math workshop, I move in on the 18th of August, then start my "Math Camp" [workshop] on the 19th. That stupid thing goes from 9am-4pm. BUT I get to skip a semester of that math class Sooooo good trade off...considering IT IS FREE.
YES FREE.

Anyway, I'm excited to be off on my own soon, but also scared witless. I mean...it'll be awesome, but I'm an only child so I'm use to being taken care of tbh. ALSO...I fail at life and don't have my license even though I'm 17.9 years old. Circumstances peed in my face, so I'm blind and annoyed xD I might renew my permit next week though, just so I can get my license SOON. Hopefully.

I just don't want to be eaten alive by college. I love the internet and have made lots of friends through it...and I hope I don't have to give that up just to be able to get a passing grade.

Uhg...

I like my bedroom. I like my house. I love my cat. I love the threatre room and my dad! :(

But...I just sound like a spoiled little kid. I'm not. I just...I'm scared. I'm excited but scared.

Part of me just wants to bite the bullet...the other part wants me to run like the wind!

Another thing I'm scared of is losing my friends that I'm really close with. These people I think of as siblings...and now I won't see them so often...maybe for even months or more on end! I just...don't want to lose what we have.

I only have one or two friends going to college with me...but I have this feeling I'll see them even less than my best friends back home.

Well...let's hope I live.

Girl vs Keyboard

It all started with a friend talking about how she should clean her keyboard. So I started to poke at mine. A key came off - which happens with keyboards. This was several hours ago. I am still trying to GET THE FRIGGIN KEY BACK ON.
It's off now - sitting on my dresser in three pieces - with tweezers and nail clippers [with the small pointed nail file part sticking out], MOCKING ME.

o_o

I BROKE MONTY.
AAAAA.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
-world ends-
X_x

Me-ow!

I <3 my kitty. Even now he's curled up against my back, and I feel loved.

I've had conversations with the little bugger...even if I was like HI ODO -meow- TIMMY IN THE WELL -meow- AM I AWESOME -meow- DO YOU LIKE WHEN I TALK TO YOU -meow!- DO WANT ME TO STOP -meow...- WANT ME TO PICK YOU UP -meow!- DO YOU WANT TO GO IN THE LIVING ROOM -meeeeeeooowwww-

Sign of insanity? Probably. It's still nice to have a strange, small, fatty little creature that I can depend on. :)

Even though I have a tortoise named Cosmo that is the essence of "wtf", I think I like being a crazy cat lady more. Dogs just seem to have that empty space staring back at you when they stare into your eyes - while cats look mildly annoyed/disgusted.

I think I just like how cats pretty much own you, while dogs are mildly "OH TAKE ME NOW MASTER"-esk.

Overall I still like dogs...but I think cats will always have a special place in my heart.

And now Odo is digging his back feet into my lower back. =3
I feel the lovvvvve.
xD

So what's the point of this random blog post? Well...it is simply because I want to get my mind off things, and the friggin' cat is the first thing I saw this morning...considering he was on my chest staring into my eyes @_@
Freaky.
He's been with me since 2nd grade, so I can fully say: My little brother is a cat named Odo Squishington-Styrofoam Hawkins, and I'm fine with that xD

Rest in Peace Ana

Amazing how I can go from complete mental homeostasis to shock within such a short period of time. I have never been that close to anyone who died. My first pet ever is curled up by my leg, my Grandpa Bill passed before I knew who he was, and it was just a downward spiral for my grandma last summer. Only a few minutes ago I saw a facebook status that made my stomach drop. An old friend of mine; Anahita, had muscle cancer...which I learned about through sources. She died today. She went to Elementary with me, as well as Middle School...and my High School as well. Last I had spoken to her was sometime during Freshman year. She used to live down my street on a court just off the entrace of the long road...but I don't know if her family resides there now.

This is the first time I've had to deal with the death of someone that's of my age. She was part of my group of friends for most of my life...and I never got a chance to speak one word to her since her illness.

I feel at a loss of words, and a little mad at the Universe for taking her. If there is a God, why would they take her so early? I don't understand it. I don't know how to deal with this. I go back and forth from feeling nothing, to tear-blurred vision, to confusion, to...nothing again. Do I have reason to cry? Should I feel sad? Should I feel honored to have known her? I really don't know...

For now I will just sit...and pay my respects. And no one called her by her full name - we called her Ana.

RIP Ana...your strong spirit and amazing outlook on life will live on through all who you have touched. it was an honor to know you since we were short and naïve to all the world's troubles.

The Universe

Why is it sometimes I just feel so at peace? I have college in thirteen days...I should be freaking out. But here I am - sitting in the threatre room with my feet up - iPod playlist "PARTY" blasting through the surround-sound, clouds covering the blue summer sky, and a nice breeze tickling me through the many open windows.

Today I got a lot done, because of this odd zen I've had all day - posting and updating in 95% of the places that demanded my attention. There are a few stories I need to update still, but those take more concentration and a lot of time...though they are my plan for later tonight after dinner and digestion/television. I'm not sure why some days I can sit down at the computer and not want to get anything done, while other days I just enjoy it. Last night - while I was writing that last post about staying up late, I was working on that epic image...and honestly I did nothing all while making that picture. I should have been posting and updating places, but I just kept working on that damn image. Maybe that's what is making me oddly Zen? My Photoshop block is broken, and it feels good. I'm now looking through dA stock images for more ideas.

I can smell dinner in the other room, feel my mildly moist hair drying on my neck, and I'm just...content. It's nice to be content. After a week at the Cabin, it is nice to see I'm capable of pulling off mental homeostasis without the need of being in a beautiful cabin in the woods with the best people on Earth. I'd probably be more content there...but alas. I'll make due with what I've got. I've got here, I've got family, and I've got myself. Friends are busy at the moment.

As my dad says - enjoy every second of life, because you never get that second back.

Late Nights

It's 4am, and I'm lying on my bed - stereo on (playing Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand from my iPod), Photoshop on, and an insulated cup of water balanced on my headboard. I think the best question that I would be asked at the moment is "why are you awake?" Well - many cannot remain awake past midnight, yet I insist on staying up much past that time, when I can. Why? It is quite simple. The world itself is a very loud, hot, busy place - but at night it all calms down; from temperature to noise level. Parents are asleep, less cars drive past my house, and overall the world is more peacefull.

Now, after spending the night making THIS image, I can safely say that I couldn't have gotten that done during the day. I love the night. It is when I think best. Goodnight now...rather goodmorning. I can see the sun o.O

In the beginning...

Thought a place to rant and overall be epic was needed. I had one of these blogs earlier, but I thought since I'm off to college, it would be wise to start afresh. I'll have a little of everything here. Movies, movie reviews, comics of my own creation, 'of the week' or 'month' stuff. Links to my own shiz, etc...

And I refuse to tag any of my entries, because that is silly.

Welcome to Reality is Relative. I will be your host - Hayles. Please sit down and enjoy this ride into my brain. Please don't mind the elevator music.