Purpose [beware: not light hearted - rather deep]

I haven't posted in what I consider awhile. I've had a rather hard week [well last week] and yesterday it kinda just boiled up. See? Anyway, today I got a hair cut - and maybe tomorrow I'll get a picture. I hate hair cuts the day of. It's like BAH HAIR. :(

So this is my last week - yet here I am, sitting on my rear, doing nothing. Other than maybe one week, I really feel like I wasted my entire summer. I didn't make one movie. I didn't finish one thing I was writing. I didn't hang out with friends nearly enough. I didn't even renew my friggin' permit yet. I didn't get my license [dur]. I didn't randomly have a Grease [movie] style SUMMER LOVE xD.

...though...there was a simply handsome bag-boy yesterday at the grocery store named Nick. We flirted. I want him >_>
*cough*
ANYWAY...
...blue eyes...brown curly hair...o.<

*hears snapping fingers*
I'M OKAY I'M OKAY...

Anyway, I'm thinking of an excuse to go back to that store =D
-random bucket of water gets poured over head-

AAAAAAH! OKAY I'LL STOP WITH NICK...with the sideways nametag *purr*

Now as I sit here on my bed in weather that's slowly cooling down, with a cat cuddling my ipod, singing along to "I Will Follow You Into the Dark" - I feel oddly alone.

I can't help wonder what the Universe has in store for me. I believe we all have a destiny we need to fulfill - both big and small. But what's mine? Will it to be to fulfill my dream of getting a movie on the silver screen? See my name in the credits while sitting in one of those plush seats with a bag of popcorn on my lap? Finally growing some confidence about at least one of my abilities?

Or will it be something else?

The future terrifies me because I don't know what lies tomorrow - nor the next hour. I like knowing - and there's not any way to know without interfering with the actual events...unless I'm meant to see what happens, that that's what leads me to the ultimate goal in which I'm already seeing in the future...? Time travel is possible. Hawking says so - therefore it is. Just...we all fail at making one. Part of me wants it to be a surprise though. The other part doesn't.

As I go through life, I see signs, notice patterns, and I feel like I'm working towards figuring one big thing out. What? I have no idea. Like there's some odd puzzle I'm slowly building that's leading towards some odd truth. It's hard to explain why I think this is so...but sometimes when I do/say/learn something, I get a chill down my back, and get a true sense of this was supposed to happen.

The second-to-latest 'chill' came from the first time I watched the movie Donnie Darko. All the pieces seemed to fit. They only showed [positively] two teachers of his within the movie. His Physics and English teachers. Mr. White and Mrs. Barrow are probably the two most influential [and close] teacher's I've ever had. I saw myself in his shoes whenever he talked to either one...it was quite disconcerting. The song "Mad World" at the end - well it was my *freak out cry* song a few years ago...which I heard by chance while during a Commercial in Kirkwood. There was a scene with fireworks when the entire movie was 'spiraling'. I watched it on July 3rd. My trigger-happy neighbors were setting off fireworks in time with the movie.

The latest 'chill' came from the Cabin. I was there for about a week - and every day felt right. It's hard to explain.

Am I crazy? Quite honestly, probably. It could just be my conscience searching for a meaning to life. Take reality and form it into a friggin' movie. Sounds like something my brain would do.

Well - your fiction just may be my reality.
Only time will tell.