Deep breath

So I'm staying.
Awesome, I know.

I'm currently sitting cross-legged on my too-high-dorm-bed, waiting a for a text from my friend to go to dinner.
I'm going to be okay. I'm currently trying to go through friends to get a ride to the meeting for the video. If I drove, I would be more at ease.

My birthday will consist of sleeping in my room without my roommate. She's going home. Offered to take me. I can't go. This is all so stupid. It's just a birthday. I shouldn't be getting so angsty over it...I just really wanted to hang out with my friends again - even if I saw them last week. I also wanted to see my stupid cat. I love that feline like no other. BUT NOOO.

At least my dad'll be proud, and I'm putting the future before the now. That's good, right? Hell - I'll probably end up doing something stupid on my 18th birthday, since I won't be home. Eh...doubt it. It'll probably end up last year, where I was annoyed with reality on my birthday. It was on a school day. This one is too. I have math. That's it.

I really want to see a guy I got closer with in my video class today. He was really awesome. Sadly, I only have those two classes with him - which won't have until mid-September again, thanks to those stupid FURLOUGH days. 'Eff off, you stupid Governor. I hope you choke on your dinner!

I want to see him again...
*sigh*
I hope he gets on the capstone too. I really want him to.
It would almost make this decision seem like a good thing, rather than a stupid mistake.

The funny thing is - college isn't that hard. My trouble is coming from things outside of the educational system. College just feels like a fun summer camp with random homework. I don't feel any older. I doubt I will when I'm 18. So whatever.

The sun shined all day today
As if to mock my mood
Hot rays stripped jackets from our shoulders
Not one cloud polluted the sky
I'm starting to think this school hates me
But why do I love it then?

This seems to be a recurring problem in my life.

I made the right decision.
Right?